I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
