I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
