so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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