The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
