Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
