im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
