what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
