The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
