I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
