Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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