Do you still have your period?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
