i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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