3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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