.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
