I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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