OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
