There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
