More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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