you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
