how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
