My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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