it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
