The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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