Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
