Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
where am i from again
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
