I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
