My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
