I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
