Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
