You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I am naked and annoyed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
