I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
