Whod you bang
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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