wat bout pragnant strippers??
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
