I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize