No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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