Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
