well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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