Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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