It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
