WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
