this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
