Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
