covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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