I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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