Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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