I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
