Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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