i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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