I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
sarcasm needs its own font
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
