3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize