At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
