sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
