im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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