This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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