I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
