how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
