I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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