that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
