you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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