Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
