On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
