i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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