See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
