I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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