1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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