We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
