Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
