is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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