I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
