we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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